i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
