did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
