I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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