are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
