I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
