i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
