life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
