The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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