I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
