i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
