I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
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Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
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There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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