I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
