When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
