mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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