Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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