I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm both gender and math confused
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
