You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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