Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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