Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
