she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
