i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
