The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
