ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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