Are we in a gay sports bar?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Randomize
