after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
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Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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