so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
