true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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