We should be called the Road Head Warriors
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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