that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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