The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
