Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
