dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
