So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
