My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
