But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
