Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
