someone threw a dead crab at me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
