So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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