Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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