Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
