I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
