last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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