i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
