so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I wish I could teleport
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
cat food counts as protein by the way
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
