Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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