this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
