There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
