brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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