I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
