I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
smell my finger.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
it's great music for shaving your balls
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
