If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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