I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
