You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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