He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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