Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
