I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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