its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
