I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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