with your own penis?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
