I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
