I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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