So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
