Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
