I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
