I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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