ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
