Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
