Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
