i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
