So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
