Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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