are you still at the devil's house?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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