a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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