We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
