Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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